Dad's Life 3D: Tales of a Fourth Grade Comeback

Sometimes as parents, we have to make decisions on behalf of our kids that aren't easy. The best that we can do is always keep their best interest in mind, even when the path forward isn't fully realized.

Towards the end of the first trimester of second grade (December 2015), my little guy, Jaden, started having a tough time at school and at home. Yes, things weren't great around the house, and he was mad. He had every right to be.

Jaden is a smart, loving and sensitive young man, so his take on the looming divorce, along with a couple conversations he overheard, sent him into a downward spiral. Interventions only made it worse, as he ultimately felt singled out. He acted out at school and was emotional. The causes of his actions weren't fully understood by me until many months later. Prior to this understanding, I spent a lot of time spinning my wheels trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

I was finally tasked with making the decision to pull him out of his school. He was now acting out in a way that if I didn't, he was pushing towards expulsion. It was an extremely tough decision, but knowing that keeping him in his current situation might only escalate his emotions, I enrolled him in our neighborhood school that same day. There are literally three houses that separate the two schools, so at least he would still be close to his sister.

My parents had to make a similar decision on my behalf in 7th grade. That decision turned out to be a good one. I ended up loving my new school. Two years later I was student body president. Talk about going from zero to hero in just a couple of years! And if I had stayed at my old school... I would have been expelled. It was also at this new school where I met my best friend, Lonnie. 36 years later, and we're still best friends. And all because my parents were looking out for my best interest!

Jaden went from wearing a uniform to school every day (Which he actually likes), to wearing whatever he could dream up. He has dressed himself since Kindergarten. So let's just say, with this new freedom, his ensembles didn't always match... But he was happy.

His teacher was a 20-year veteran. She's seen it all. There was nothing he could throw at her that she couldn't handle. Within a couple of days she had him dialed in! This was such a relief. He also knew a bunch of kids from the neighborhood, soccer and baseball who attended the school, so he was accepted right away. Unfortunately, his best friend at the school, Jordan, was younger than him, so they had different lunch times. But, his good friend Sam is a rockstar at the school (Literally), so I'm sure that helped!

During his second year at our neighborhood school, his athletic prowess began to show. According to legend, he was the best goal keeper in the third grade... I only know what I hear from his friends during car rides. He was the third best goal keeper in the school, behind two fifth graders. He also became known as one of the best kickball kickers in the school, so he was a first round draft pick daily. I only mention this because these acknowledgements also contributed to his educational growth by building his confidence.

Jaden had some very dear friends at his new school, but still maintained his friendship with his old friends. Bin had been his best friend since Kindergarten. Mylo and Finn rounded out the crew. What I find endearing is that despite going to a different school, he remained best friends with these three boys.

Jaden had always said he wanted to return to his old school for fourth grade. The fourth grade teacher was, and still is, his sister's favorite teacher ever. The principal there had remained supportive of him throughout, and had left the door open to him. As third grade came to a close, it was time to start the admissions process so he could reenter his old school.

However, a full class of returning students, along with an influx of new kids, created a few obstacles for me to navigate in getting him back in. At this point, I was following his lead. He wanted to go there for fourth grade, so I made it my goal to make his vision realized.

JJ had truly grown in every way. His reading scores were still down, but he received a full recommendation from the principal and teachers at the neighborhood school. He also received some amazing recommendations from the parents of his friends at his old school that brought tears to my eyes. They too had been with him through this whole growth process, and were extremely supportive of him.

On day one of his return to his old school, he received a big reception from his friends. Boys and girls alike hugged and cheered as he walked on the campus. He definitely felt a lot of love as he lined up in fourth grade with his best bros. His smile was as big as ever! Could this be the Joseph Campbell moment I had hoped for...?

Since his return, he has been moved into the advanced math program. His teachers continue to inspire him to read. At first this was a chore for him, but now he finally enjoys it! His athletic prowess at recess continues. He and his fourth grade bros have been accepted by their sixth grade upperclassmen, to play with them at lunch. Jaden is proud that one sixth grader, who he looks up to, has nicknamed him "J-Dog." Life is good in the fourth grade!

And now he gets to play sports for his school. This has brought a new level of school spirit to him. In his mind, he might as well be playing for UCLA. He is a part of something special. He's a St. Mark Lion. He scored the most touch downs this season of any player on the flag football team. He is also the point guard for the 4 and 1 Lions basketball team. The point guard is the team leader. Almost like the quarterback on a football team. Yes, I'm a proud daddy, but the reason I mention this is less about the stats, and more about his confidence.

More than anything, I am thrilled to see him this happy. One of the greatest days of my life, was watching him receive the Peace Builder of the Month award for fourth grade. It's been a lot of work to get him to this point, but watching him receive that acknowledgment from his teachers in front of the whole school, affirmed what I already know about him. Yes, it took some strong effort on my part to give him some of the life tools he needs for success, but ultimately it's up to him to prevail. And that he did! I'm so proud of him. And more importantly, he's proud of himself!

The Peace Builder award is not just given out. You have to earn it. What I find remarkable is that all three of his best friends have also earned this award. I think this says a lot about these four boys. Their values. Their influence on each other to be themselves and do good things. Their willingness to help others. I couldn't be prouder of all four of them!

I think that no better proof that what I have instilled in this young lad has made at least a small impact, became clear to me one afternoon when I was driving with him, his sister and two of her friends. The 'tweens had made a comment about a boy who they said "was so cute last year, but now has zits." To this, Jaden replied, "I don't care what my crush looks like. I like her because she is always nice to me. I wouldn't change anything about her."

Now, I can't take credit for what he said. That was all him. But I will always teach my son how to be a gentleman. A gentleman who rides dirt bikes, plays sports, is a team player and is a leader. A gentleman who always respects his mother, grandmothers, sister, girlfriend and wife. OK, well the sister part may be tough, but four out of five isn't too bad! Amen.